I have many imaginary best friends. But today it is cold and snowy out, so it has to be one of these dudes. The one named Kris Kristofferson. Kris Kristofferson with a K. He has cool friends, just look!

Somedays we prank call Tom Cruise. I personally, do not have Tom’s phone number. But Kris Kristofferson has him on speed dial! We put the phone on speaker phone, and when he answers, we yell, “Hey hey hey HEY HEY HEY TOM? HEY TOM! Guess WHAT?” and then he says, “What?” and we say,”Nothing!” and then we hang up on that fool! Somedays we call until Tom turns his ringer off. But the joke is on you, Tom! We have Katie’s phone number, too! And Suri’s! Oh, Tom, you short, short man! GUESS WHAT?
Nothing!

Later on after we make chocolate chip cookies, and Kris Kristofferson vacuums the house, we sit around and I ask him about his hippie ways. I ask him why he doesn’t ever play a flying v guitar. He says he just never thought of it before. He also admits to me that sometimes he hates Janis Joplin’s voice. I knew it!

Then when it gets all darkish and 5 o’clock winter-like, Kris and I open a fifth of Early Times. We look out at the quiet falling snow. “Kris Kristofferson?,” I ask. “Yeah?,” he replies. “Gary Busey was always a total wackadoo, right?,” I ask. “Yeah,” he says. “I knew it!” And then I ask him if he still has that shirt, from the above photo, and he doesn’t know. But he tells me if he does, that I can borrow it to wear to the Amanda Palmer show on Wednesday.

Kris Kristofferson is not sure if that would impress Amanda Palmer. Mostly because Kris Kristofferson doesn’t know who Amanda Palmer is. Yet. He is thinking about buying a flying v guitar. Usually by the time the Daily Show starts, Kris Kristofferson has to leave. I send him away with a plate of cookies and a painting and he says he will come back and visit on the next snowy day! Goodbye Kris Kristofferson, I never knew ya!