I am not sure if that is how you spell the word Rumies. Because I did not invent that word. My sister Neely did. I am not much of a Rum drinker, but she is and when she has too much, she says she has a case of the rumsies. Which is so much cuter than saying, wasted, which is what I like to say.

Tonight’s music is brought to you by Christina Aguilera. Because she can sing. And that is so rare these days in pop music. You can just use that auto-tune machine and BAM! you are a Real Housewife singing some dumb song. Christina can sing first and uses that dang auto-tune secondly. Also: she wears lots of red lipstick and black tights and those are two of my very favorite things.

If I could sing like Christina I would refuse to talk normally. I would sing everything, like I was in a musical all damn day.

Today I weeded the garden, baked banana bread and invented a new cocktail that involves rum, vanilla and citrus fruits. It tastes like yum. The best way to invent a new cocktail is to visit the grocery store at 10 pm when you only need eggs for banana bread. Then buy things that look like they would taste great with some rum. Crush some ice and viola! Speaking of weeding the garden, is everyone high at my supermarket after 10 o’clock? It seems so.