1. Indian Food is delicious. I have a divey place I go, and order a jack and coke with my meal. At this delightful little hole in the wall, “jack and coke” means 4 fingers of Johnny Walker and a tiny splash of coke for $3. I would be losing money if I didn’t order one. Makes the rest of the day happy unicorns and sunshine.

2. Rory Gallagher is the best guitarist to have ever lived. Give me a $3 “Jack and Coke” and we might fist fight over this in the parking lot of the Indian buffet.

3. Sleep is the best thing ever invented. Followed by: Beer, Spring Break and Sewing Machines.

4. Merle Haggard is a bad-ass and should ONLY be referred to as “the Fucking Hag.”

5. Cats are assholes. I have 3 and they are total assholes. I love them like a bad relationship.

6. Joan Jett is always playing on the radio in Central Illinois. Always, so I don’t see a reason to live anywhere else.

7. Faeries wear boots. The End.