April 2013


Today, for lunch, I went to a bar. Slow day. Upon entering, a man approached me, and told me I looked about the right age. He had a black briefcase. He asked me if I liked Lynyrd Skynyrd. I was laughing and said, sure. Then he reached in his briefcase and pulled out one slightly used, size XL women’s shirt. The front says, “Lynyrd Skynyrd” and the back says, “protect Southern Rock.” It is even my signature color, black, and thank goodness it did not have a rebel flag on it. He left the bar, and I had 2 Jack and Cokes, (what else do you drink after getting a free Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt?) Sometimes I really think my life could be a reality show. Kind of like Myrtle Manor. Or Real Word BFE Midwest!

There you go! All 10,80000 minutes of it!

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We took a 3+ mile walk today. It was a perfect day for it.

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We are planning a major road trip, ready to camp all the way out west. It is so fun to plan but so consuming. I keep thinking of things I need to remember. I am not afraid of bears. Or buffalo. Not even a little.

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This is my free can of chili. Ground score. With ground turkey. But no beans. Not sure who eats chili with no beans but I suspect it is communists. Or aliens.
Things have changed for me since I found the free chili. I am happier. People want to be friends with me. I also have learned 6 new languages. I am so excited, Tom Robbins has contacted me and his next novel will be based on my life. Thanks can of Turkey No Beans Chili! This is almost as good as the time my sister, Neels and I were walking home from the bar and someone hit her in the head with a packet of McDonald’s BBQ sauce from a car! Ha!

Tonight I went to the thrift store, because everything was half off. It was good people watching and my total was $2.77. On the walk home, not one single car passed me. Didn’t even see one on a crossroad. Friday night, small town. Then I found a unopened can of turkey chili, no beans, laying in the gutter on a side street. For free! I am so winning today it is not even funny!


My best friend of 27 years died suddenly in August. It has been hard. I am getting better. Since January, I have been listening to country music nonstop. NONSTOP. My family is patient, Ha! 27 years is a lot of memories, and music is such a trigger. So many experiences, and shared songs. It doesn’t make it any easier to look at her childhood home, which is directly across the street from my house. I just cannot do it. My BFF absolutely HATED country music, so while not exactly uplifting by nature, it really doesn’t make me sad. I went with it.

I was driving my car to work today, which is a 40 minute commute. I was on the interstate and I thought to myself, “I can not listen to one more fucking country song.” And then it dawned on me. Uh, duh. PUNK ROCK. Loud, snotty, UNDERGROUND punk rock. So healing. So soothing. Just what I needed. Right when I needed it. God Bless America. Or Fuck it. Whatever!

When I was a kid, this was my favorite scene from Cinderella. The glass slippers seemed stupid, if you fell, you would cut your foot! And if that shoe had to fit so well, why did it fall off her foot at the end of the night! I liked the pumpkin and the mice, before the fairy godmother started changing everything!

Those Mice! They fixed that dress! I loved them. I loved their little bows, and their aprons. I especially always loved that fat one, Gus-gus!

I think this scene, probably inspired me most to get into dress-making, and I still love it!

Writing is a fine balance between giving enough abstract and concrete information. Certain stories you hear along the way inspire and can be combined with imagined experiences to create a story. Sometimes the two, are combined with such vivid imagery that the listener/writer becomes haunted. I sometimes use this blog to flesh out these hauntings, which bounce around most, as soon as my head hits a pillow. Oh! To have them time to write them all. Silence does not happen much in my life, and my hours are mostly taken, it seems. Bear with me, as I need to record some of them, and they are so not finished or polished, but are here to be revisited.

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She first noticed how clean and white his socks were. She didn’t seem to realize the implications of him loaning out the socks. He wasn’t one to give or help. Was it a gesture of kindness? To have a pair of clean socks when you only own 2 pair is one thing. To loan out the clean pair, probably means something else.

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There are times in life when you need something. You need something so much that you cannot say it. You cannot make the word, or maybe there is no word. His friends had come, and they wanted to see him. She couldn’t say the words. She needed him to be there, but couldn’t remember what that meant. Her tiny hand was shaking and sweating, as she held a quarter in her hand. It was stuck to her hand, and there was a world in her mind. It was a world where there aprons, and couches, doors that still hung on the hinges. To call, would that be asking for that world? And to make the call, she must remember what the quarter was for…

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This wasn’t a place of love, he did not know what that word meant. Somewhere, he felt it necessary to protect. But to protect and to love, well, those are two different things. The police are here to protect and even serve, but they do not love criminals. Maybe they could come to love criminals, but we aren’t sure he will come to love. We do not know the outcome.

 

“This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.” -Walt Whitman

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I have a ton of problems. Tons! So many that could be a blog on it’s own. Let’s talk about Pinterest. I love it. SO much to PIN! So much I will probably never see/do/experience. Whatever. Coffee and Pinterest. That is how we rock and roll around here! (Also: sometimes we actually play rock and roll, so eff off!)

Source: geekologie.com via Pungsnotded on Pinterest

 

I came across this great idea of making tumbler glasses out of aluminum beer bottles. You know like those old aluminum glasses that were so cool? I figure drinking out of them will remind me of the sweet sweet lime Kool-aid of my youth! Maybe add some gin and wear an apron around and pretend it is the fifties? Well, the fifties without the wife-beating and racism and hot-dog casseroles! Just the cool parts like aprons, petticoats and pretty high heels.

Vintage aluminum tumblers

I started out with Miller Lite. These aluminum bottles are too thin. It is fun to find the aluminum bottles, because they aren’t 12 ounces, they are a pint. That way you can pretend you are a fancy European, not American. And after this week, ‘Merica!, really? Our media can SUCK IT! Stupid Fucking Talking Box! But I digress. I digress a lot. Digress just means you should have shut up about something, forever ago.

Source: packagingdigest.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

 

And I have to add, any metal fabrication to actually make these tumblers, will be done by my husband. I quit welding when one of those sparks got stuck in my sock and burnt my ankle.  I stick to sewing machines. I have enclosed a video, for those who would like to make some.  It looks easy enough. (If you are metal-fabricating minded. And I am NOT talking about Lemmy. Or his mole. I don’t discuss the mole)

Source: thatslove01.blogspot.com via Jesus on Pinterest

 

In the midst of this idea, I had a work trip to Milwaukee and had one of the best beers, ever! It was named Spotted Cow! I drank them all over that town and was so sad to learn they do not sell them outside of Wisconsin. I sososo love that state, but that is another story! My husband tried one of them, and told me it tasted like Budweiser. Indeed, it does! I am slowly converting! You grow, you change in life, I guess. I never ever thought I would leave my Miller’s Lite behind, but then I never thought I would own a house or a car or live past my 19th year, so whatevs! Maybe I was just beer-bored, it is better to find a new beer than switch to cheap vodka and try and kick the “backyard’s ass” not that I know ANYTHING about that.

Spotted Cow Farmhouse Ale

Anyway, we are planning a huge camping trip, all the way to Montana, and I am going to have Budweiser tumblers AND a tiny camp stove! It is so exciting! And terrible, because I will have to drink all this beer, so all family members can have a glass! That might include extended family, cousins, second cousins and even displaced divorcees I have only heard about…so I better get started! Started with drinking TONS of pints of Budweiser.

Source: youtube.com via Megan on Pinterest

 

Happy Week Everybody, have a smashing one! But don’t smash anything. Unless it is Fascism. Or beer cans, before you recycle them! Dang!

Lisa! Who mistakes Lisa for Julie! I think Jessi Colter is so beautiful, she still looks amazing. You can bet money that Old Waylon, never called her Lisa. Or Julie. Or Jolene! (Drag Queen!)

I hate Jolene! She could have any man she wants, so Jolene should just back the fuck off! Dolly is so awesome talking about Drag Queens. I have such a special place in my heart for Drag Queens!

I don’t even like to think about someone taking Loretta’s man. Loretta would kill a woman. She is not to be fucked with. Over her dead body! ( I picked this version because I think the interview afterwords is priceless!)

I don’t even need to warn you that, Patsy Cline would stalk your ass after midnight. She was so beautiful, though, so so beautiful. I think I would forgive her.

Maddox Brothers and Sister Rose! Sister Rose will sue your ass for alimony!

And one of the greatest collaborations of women in country! I love this! Happy Saturday everyone!

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